psychologist North Brisbane

Women's sexual desire varies

We have learned a lot about women's sexual desire in the last few decades.

In the past, when sex scientists were predominantly male, libido - or "libido" - was thought to resemble some kind of hydraulic pressure in the body. Like the pressure that most young people feel when they need to ejaculate.

But the hydraulic model does not fit the realities of sexual desire for most women. Most women need a reason to have sex. Otherwise, they may go for a long time without feeling desire.

Men need a reason to have sex, too. But for most men, the reason can be as simple as taking your partner off his shirt.

Most men's minds tend to say "yes" to sex. While most minds of women tend to say "maybe" or "depends".

As a remedy for sex, when a straight couple comes to see me because they don't have sex, the male partner still always masturbates regularly. Women often stop masturbating, or rarely do so.

In the absence of pathological sex, it is as if a woman's libido has just grown. Like a screen saver on an old desktop computer, a woman's libido system often stays in "sleep mode" until someone moves the mouse.

Sexual desire for women and the definition of good sex.

Of course, this leaves open the question of what good sex is, right? People have widely different views, of course.

But after discussing the subject with hundreds of people over the years, I think most people's perceptions of good sex will involve authentic excitement - not just hard or wet.

As I discussed in my article, Sex Tips for Married Lovers, real excitement requires more than hardness or wetness. By my definition, you don't really get angry unless you lose a lot of IQ.

The true authentic excitement should make you feel good about yourself. Good for your partner too - in a preliminary way just saying "Yes, these are the things I love!" Otherwise, your mind can easily go into screensaver mode, and libido can stop completely.

But many couples do not know how to recognize authentic sexual arousal. They think if they are tough or wet, they are ready to have sex. This leads to a lot of bad sex, as the hardness and humidity are not enough to move the mouse.

You can not feed the desire for bad sex. Only good sex can nourish the desire for a committed relationship.

Clear, huh? You'd be surprised. Many of the couples I see in my office never bothered to think about those simple facts.

How to confuse women's sexual desire among men

As a sexual remedy, I noticed that the sexual desire of heterosexual women sometimes confuses men. They are completely missed.

Here's why: Many women don't just want to have sex. They want to feel desirable first.

If a woman does not feel like it, the sex itself may not seem very attractive.

Wait, you say. Doesn't everyone know how important most women feel?

You'd be surprised. I see many men in my office who have no idea how important this is to women's sexual desire.

Now here's something that I find baffling most men: for a sense of desire, a woman may sometimes turn away from her partner - hoping to run after her.

This is very strange for the average male mind that few men understand at all.

When talking to men in my office, I often cross species lines and explain the following example:

What men can learn from the sexual behavior of mice

I once attended a sex therapy conference where researcher Jim Pfoss showed videos of rats having sex. The most interesting part turns out to be foreplay.

By human standards, all male mice are ejaculating devices - so the sex of mice is usually short-lived. But foreplay mice can last for a long time.

Here are the typical rat caresses:

The female rat acts in front of the male rat, gets his attention, and then throws. With any luck, he will be interested enough to chase her. He may chase her around the cage for a long time, before she finally lets him get it.

Female mice tend to prolong all this. More than one sex researcher has questioned whether mice have more of this strange type of foreplay than actual sex.

Many people have noticed that the whole thing is suspiciously similar to what sometimes happens during sexual intermarriage between sexes: how a woman's sexual desire often looks like her pleasure when stalking as much as afterwards.

Juego and women's libido

Now, of course, there are exceptions. There are also exceptions to every generalization you may make about sex and sex. There is a great deal of diversity in human mating. In an article in PsychologyToday, I discussed the fact that some men have an unusually strong yearning to be desirable as well.

But the fact that many women 's libido can manifest through the desire to escape usually causes a lot of harm in heterosexual couples. So it is extremely important to understand a man.

My colleague Esther Pearl describes one of her Spanish-speaking customers playing a game called Jojo. To play this game, the first thing is to make yourself out of reach. If your partner responds by following you, you win the game.

For many men, the hardest thing about playing "Juego" is the realization of a game that rotates in the first place.

Many men will receive the absence of their partner with neglect of the shoulders and go on to do something else - which of course defeats the whole purpose. Then they were surprised to be angry or frustrated.

Take a message to the house: If you're in a committed relationship, be careful when you're away. If this happens, consider the possibility that this is a manifestation of her desire - and this is like a female rat, you might hope to start a chase.

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